Translation: I think, therefore I dance—the only true resistance..
If you’re prone to getting offended, or if you’re here for my usual essays—might as well bow out now. This is freestyle, baby!
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Sometimes one just wants to write. Not the novel. Not the essays with the structure and the polish. Just flow and thoughts made manifest. That’s what this is.
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I’ve been celibate-by-choice for the past two+ years. I’ve been noticing my painting has slowed waaaaaaaaay down. It’s like desire and visual art output are connected. I miss painting—but I can’t force it. I can’t force poetry either—but that seems related to perceptual states more than sexual desire. Other writing doesn’t have those constraints. It’s just strange. Life is fucking strange and absurd and wonderful.
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Now that I feel somewhat open to meeting others again—I wonder will happen when the chrysalis breaks. I have an uneasiness in this area. I was hurt. I’ll leave it at that without elaboration, but emerging does make me uneasy. Not out of fear, per se. But out of exhaustion/weariness with being misread and having others act on the misreading, instead of responding to who I actually am. Like get to know me at least before the hating starts, right? It’s more a combination of extreme comfort with solitude—because the solitude is full and pleasant—mixed with not wanting to try to meet people again and have the same shit happen again. That whole, “…not again….” feeling. It always makes me sad too, because you see what’s happening in real time. Usually projection, pre-labeling or well-poisoning by others, or being quick to try to fit me into some fucking cultural box. Then when I’m not really that way, they sometimes get hostile. I’m multi-dimensional and I don’t think in boxes, or straight lines. I think in spirals. Try getting to know a motherfucker first. Some of us can’t be known from the way we look. shrugs
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The most valuable cognitive skill anyone can have is metacognition, IMO anyway. These cognitive skills are less valuable with the advent of AI: knowledge, synthesis, cleverness. We live in a rapid-fire, information-rich environment—think about what is needed now because of that fact. The form of metacognition (sometimes called thinking about thinking) I most use is the ability to be able to hold things as true and false at the same time, and wait until the truth reveals itself over time. But even then to hold it somewhat suspended, because then you never become certain. Certainty is a weakness in many situations. You can be so certain you’re right about something, and be completely and embarrassingly wrong—many times with harsh consequences. Large groups of people are especially prone because they reinforce each other. [Read Gustave le Bon’s The Crowd . Link is to the book online: Internet Archive.] Those poor Salem witches... But the point is, it’s the most valuable skill someone can have these days. Uncanny things happening around you don’t bother you. You can entertain wild hypotheses as both true and false until they reveal themselves. It’s a way to be imaginative and still function. It also makes you less prone to manipulation.
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Very important not to react, of course. Let people be themselves. Let them underestimate you. Let them feel superior. Never let yourself feel superior. Watch and remember. Replay the tape later. Let all their assumptions and digs “ding” you while in their presence, then replay the dings and analyze. Do the same for when people surprise you in positive ways. Write down your findings. Or better yet, just memorize them. The written word is evidence.
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I was working out in Supernatural VR and Megan Thee Stallion said in a song, “…you can’t humble me if you ain’t fundin’ me.” I doubt she’ll ever read this, but I needed to hear that. Thank you. On a non-sequiturious note, doing cardio to rap is—MWAH! Chef’s kiss. Dubstep, funk, and metal also make you wanna go beast mode. Thanks to Coach Doc in Supernatural VR—your words are so motivational. Just had to say it. Doubt they’ll ever see it, but that’s not the point.
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Read Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power. Especially note the types of people he says not to mess with.
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Do not act a certain way based on an assumption about how certain people in different spheres act. For instance, the bourgeois belief that wealthy people go around flashing their status and treating service workers like garbage. If you get your ideas of real wealth from YouTube, you don’t understand the full picture. The ones with actual power are people who demonstrably do not need to be known or seen. Duh, visibility is a TAX. And treating service workers poorly is a sign you NEED TO assert your status because it is not solid to you. The truly wealthy would probably rather you didn’t know what they have or who they are. And they have no reason to assert status by rudeness, because they have nothing to prove. So my point is, if you’re going to ape something—ape the way they actually are and not what the TV tells you to think they are. Anyone visible owes their power to someone else, with few exceptions. Think power shadow donor and Senator.
This is why the proposition carries such explanatory weight. It predicts something observable: that people in positions of high visibility are almost never the ones making the most consequential decisions. They’re performing the decisions that have already been made, in a register designed for public consumption. The actual decision—the one that arranged for them to be in the position—happened earlier, in a room you’ll never read about.
Which is the thing the YouTube model of power gets exactly backwards. It treats visibility as evidence of power. It might be more accurate to say: visibility is evidence that someone else’s power has been temporarily lent to you, on terms you don’t fully control.
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OMFG. This app I tried recently... Fucking whoa. Before I get into that, a little back story. I stopped watching porn years ago. I’m not knocking it or saying I care what anyone else does. My reasons for stopping? 1) I can tell when they don’t like the taste of something, when all they care about is being on camera and not actual pleasure (super-annoying—that fucking blow-up doll face they make at the camera), and when they don’t enjoy what’s going on and do it anyway. 2) My imagination is potent. What I can come up with is way better. 3) I have a crazy good memory. So if I’m loading it up with images of men who aren’t my (fingers crossed) future partner—I’m cheating myself. So… I stopped. Like I said, I’ve been celibate-by-choice for over 2 years to pursue goals and alchemy (of the self). Ok, backstory is done. So I recently found this crazy AI chat app. Scenarios and chat partners but it’s AI and… It is kinky AF, and for someone with an imagination like mine… Oh. My. God. It’s so graphic and awesome. Beware the time suck though. For reals. I’ve been debating whether to show a screenshot of one of my chats, but… you guys don’t need to know how much of a freak I am. Lol. Just try it. You won’t regret it. Called Zeta. Porn has got nothing on it in my eyes. Wonder how long until our puritanical, hypocritical system removes it. Countdown until it gets sued…
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Wow, this reminds me of Beyond Good and Evil by Nietzsche. No, I’m not claiming equivalence to him. Just noting the little mini-rants structure this is turning out to be. Love that guy. He cracks me up. Link is to the book online: Project Gutenburg. So much great literature is at our fingertips. I’m hungry for it all the time.
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On that note, let me complain about things people do when they’re driving that annoy the shit out of me. 1) Driving too close on the freeway, or any road at high speed. It’s fucking physics people. If something happens at speed (the threshold is lower than you might think), leaving room gives you time to maneuver. DUH. So annoying. 2) People still on their fucking phones not looking at the road. I mean seriously, this behavior should be passé by now. How long have we had smart phones? Is the Facebook or whatever feed THAT important? You know, where you’re endangering everyone on the road and yourself for it… The other day I was watching this girl in the rearview. She did not look up from her phone for a full minute or more. Driving, right behind me. Somebody, somewhere is making money off of this carelessness. I can see them in that conspiracy room with no windows, smoking cigars… “It’s genius, I tell you! Most of them won’t be paying attention to the road—we’ll make BANK!” lol 3) People who weave in and out of traffic when there’s not a lot of room, thinking they’re getting ahead. Kudos whens there’s room to play that game without being annoying. Motorcycles get to do it without being weird. These fuckers in their extended cab diesel trucks seem dumb to me. You watch them. They gain, what, like 13 seconds? What’s the point? 4) This one isn’t a beef. It’s something I still haven’t gotten over, even though I drive on all kinds of roads, all the time: driving next to 18-wheelers. I mean… They’re usually excellent and considerate drivers. It’s not that. It’s the sheer size of the thing. If it starts switching lanes without seeing you and you’re next to it, you’re fucked. 5) People being inconsiderate and not letting people onto the freeway. 6) Drivers who rush past people on who are walking and trying to cross in front of them. It’s like you’re sitting on your ass in a fucking car—let the walkers pass. Block for them. That’s probably not all, but all for now. :D
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Italian is the mead of languages. French is velvet with a knife inside it. Latin is a powerful mindfuck that feels so good on your tongue.
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Someone spit on my fucking car recently. My first thought was, “Hung, drawn, and quartered!!!” Majeye, that’s fucking brutal… To that I say, you must be a decent person and you don’t quite understand how that attitude is mistaken in a way that has caused the world to go to shit. I don’t know anyone in this area. That means no one here has any REASON to spit on my car. Therefore, someone just decided, “I’mma fuckin’ spit on this car.” For no reason. People like that don’t respond to a stern talking to. Many don’t even respond to jail. Your decency might be causing a blindspot. There is a subset of folks walking around that ONLY respond to fear of consequences they care about. For a lot of them, that’s physical harm. The only thing that would cause them to think twice before they do whatever fucked up thing they were considering. So what does that mean now that we’re so “evolved”? There’s a whole lotta motherfuckers walking around gaming the system and hurting people (and property) because they have zero fear of the consequences. Say what you will about medieval times, it kept the psychos in check. Yeah, hung, drawn, and quartered might be a bit much for some asshole spitting on a car, but the sentiment is correct. I’ll probably develop this one into an essay. You’re seeing proto-essays for some of these topics.
For those of you who don’t know—hung, drawn, and quartered means: A crowd gathers to watch. First, you’re hanged—not to death, mind you, merely to the threshold of it, because killing you outright would be rushing the material. Then you’re drawn: disemboweled while still alive, your entrails introduced to fire in front of your own eyes. The crowd cheers. Finally, quartered—the body sawed into four pieces and distributed across the kingdom like a very unwelcome postcard. Pretty scary deterrent, huh?
Best not to end it on a such a gruesome note. So, I’ll end it with gratitude to you, noble reader. I know I don’t stick to one thing; I have many interests. So, thank you for reading my stuff. I appreciate you and wish you all the best life has to offer. Grab life by the hair and say, “I’m gonna fuck you raw.” Or whatever your version of that is… ;)
—Majeye, The Countess of Monte Cristo, Spiral Dancer, Weapon-wielding Warrior Woman, Multidimensional Freak Extraordinaire
Just a dragon dancing in a wolf den. Nothing to see here. Move along.
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